I recall the precise moment when it all went wrong: it was my eighth birthday, and I was about to receive a present that could only be described as pure evil. Inside a white box, there was a beige little machine to which you could connect a tape deck and a joystick. Compared with today's computers, it was extremely primitive; but it was acceptable in the eighties. What I didn't know at the time, however, was that this harmless-looking bread bin would ruin my childhood. Since that day, my attention span has always been a bit short.
After having read an excerpt from a newly published parenting guide in the Wall Street Journal, I realised that I have to make amends for being so spoiled and lazy. My children would have what I never had: a harsh, disciplinarian upbringing.
The woman to lead the way is Amy Chua. Her parenting strategy is a cross between the tender love and care of Margaret Thatcher and the clear boundaries set by Benito Mussolini – with Chinese characteristics.
In order to make your children become the over-achieving adults they were always meant to be, you must shield them from distractions: there shall be no gadgets dedicated to time-wasting such as computers or television. The children must be taught the value of discipline and self-control; one particularly effective method is threatening to burn all their soft toys.
Finally, I had a purpose in life, a goal worth achieving. Staring out the office window, I spent a few hours perfecting my plan for the children, involving Austrian piano teachers and moral education based on the Old Testament.
If they haven't all become Members of Parliament by the age of thirty, there will be a bonfire of teddy bears.
For you, however, it is already too late. Here is a list of pointless flash games that will help you kill some time in the office.
If you miss those days when computer games were all about little aggressive blips and blobs and flickering abstract shapes, then you will definitely be able to waste lots of your precious time on Kongregate. The site contains enough flash games to keep you busy for the next couple of weeks. (The author of this post was so mesmerised by Space Invaders-type game that this post was in danger of remaining unfinished.)
Steeped in bizarre, pastel-coloured claustrophobia, the ultra-simplistic concept of Room Escape games could only have originated in Japan.
The premise is simple: you're stuck in a room, and you need to get out, by finding hidden objects and solving logical puzzles. Of course, this will generate frustration and fascination in equal amounts, and the more colleagues you send this link to, the less productive your workplace will be. My favourite is of course "Office Escape"
Finally, is there any better way of spending a minute than with a Rick James sample? Enjoy your weekend…!
LEGAL DISCLAIMER: The author(s) cannot be held responsible for any psychological damage inflicted upon your child due to your failure to adhere to Amy Chua's parenting guidelines.
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